The older I get the more I long for those friendships that I had in high school or college, but the determining factor, as best as I can tell, is time. During those earlier years, there was a great deal of time available to "hang out" and really share. To find out who could be trusted to have your best interest at heart. But now the responsiblities of career, family, and often times church have absorbed virtually all the excess time in our lives, making it very difficult to sow the time it takes to grow a friendship. Hope you can find an answer.

Jack Kendall :: August 24, 2006 03:53 PM

The interesting dilemma for me is that as a Christian, the people who are my closest friends do not yet share my faith. They still meet Jack’s criteria of being deep and sometimes healing relationships despite the lack of “spiritual” encouragement that I get out of them. The thing that I like about them is that I can be all I am today – warts and all. The rub with Christian friendships can sometimes be the sudden and overwhelming need for everyone to “act Christian” and to have to pretend to be the finished product. When all I want is to be me.

Linked to shame, deep friendships pose the risk of someone else finding out that you are not being everything a Christian should. If you sit and think about it for a moment, that shouldn’t be a startling revelation – no-one is. But joy and safety comes where someone is willing to accept and help you and to let you to do the same for them knowing what you are really like. I struggled to express that and then I realised that it is just us doing for each other what Jesus does for us.

Scott H :: August 24, 2006 05:18 PM

This is my 2 cents on what aids deep, trusting relationships being formed:
1) A practical expression in the natural realm of seeking His Face in the spiritual realm is to experientially receive others as “Blessed is he who comes in the Name of the Lord.” If we see the least of those who cross our paths as Divine appointments, we are positioned to be more readily accepting. Expectantly receiving people fosters a vulnerability to be open to new relationships. This also enables people to be received based purely on being created in the Lord’s Image instead of waiting to see if they will work for our approval, serve our interests, or if we see them as on ‘our level’. Actively receiving others and being interested in them simply because the Lord allowed them to cross your path disarms the need to work for approval/relationship as is prevalent in most church circles.
2) Routinely reviewing the “one another” Scriptures and asking the Holy Spirit to illuminate areas of your heart that have grown cold or resistant to applying those practices in relationships helps keep walls down and gives the Holy Spirit opportunities to address foundations of cold love before they are built on. Unfortunately, a lot of church hierarchy and church protocol can often be stumbling blocks in this very area. Church leadership has incorporated “greet one another” into the programmed transition between worship and teaching in our weekly services, but often haven’t implemented it practically on a personal level. A year ago I volunteered for a short season in a ministry office specifically because I was sent by the Lord to. There was such an elevated, unapproachable hierarchy among the pastoral staff that a volunteer sitting in their midst wasn’t seen as even being significant enough of a dot on their radar screen to barely even speak to! It gave me a whole new level of appreciation for the Lord’s anointing on the corporate services not originating from the cold, sterile office environment during the week. However, a few months later when an article was written about the marginalization of women in a foreign country, the Lord began to illustrate how our spiritual authority in larger areas is based on being willing to examine our own hearts for roots of the same spirit. Their concern for marginalized women was genuine, but they failed to recognize the same root in their own hearts when it came to marginalizing those sent by the Lord into their own midst. I still believe this was an area the Lord truly wanted to give them authority in and they missed the opportunity He brought to them. Through praying for them, I believe the Lord will allow them a retake of this test though because it is an area He needs them to pass to walk in greater authority in.
3) A little over 3 years ago, there seemed to be a distinct acceleration of sowing and reaping which began. Since there will be a time when the reaper overtakes the sower, this acceleration of sowing and reaping will continue in the coming years. Relationships are one of the areas in which the greatest acceleration of reaping what we sow will be seen. Jack, since the Lord has put the issue of desiring deeper, trusting relationships within the Body on your heart and you’re actively seeking Him, He will delight to release wisdom through you for this! True, genuine relationships are of great priority in His Kingdom!

Susan :: August 25, 2006 09:41 PM

The difficulty I find in cultivating genuine friends within the walls of the church is the existance of "Cliques"... If you don't do certain things, "you're religious" if you do certain things "you're likely backslidden or double-minded". It's enough to make you scream. I have lived all over America and sadly have found this to be true a bit more often than not. In some places we have made wonderful friends, in others I doubt they even knew we were there. I long for the day when the church is the church you discribe. I do think we are headed in that direction.

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